A Sneak Peak... Read the First Few Pages of My New book



I remember begging the universe for my pain to end…brittany watkins “Please, please, please... angels, spirit guide, anyone and everyone who supports me… please hear my cry… Please help me get control of my eating… please stop these incessant thoughts of food… I am in so much pain. Stop the sabotage, stop the voices, stop the self-hatred… please give me the freedom to feel normal… I can’t live like this…” Then, I would hear the answer. It was the same answer I always got… “There is a reason… you will be the one to solve this problem… it’s your destiny, you can’t escape it. Just keep looking, keep searching for answers, one day, you will find it.” DAMMIT, why not NOOWWWW! I want the answer NOW! I can’t take this anymore… Connection lost… I cannot begin to calculate the hours I spent trying to find a solution to end emotional eating. Abstaining was too hard; I needed a way to trick my mind into NOT wanting the food anymore. My willpower sucked, I couldn’t force myself to meditate, call a friend or take a bath when I wanted to eat something… I knew that if something was going to actually work, it had to be a mind trick. From the time I was 15 I was obsessed with the mind. As a completely broke homeless kid, what little money I did have from working at ACE Hardware, I used to pay for therapy sessions. Somehow I knew that understanding the mind was the only way to end my suffering… and sure enough at the age of 31, after 16 years of struggling with binge eating, food cravings and self sabotage, the answer came to me… in the form of a chocolate bar. It was right before I was about to teach a weight loss class… I was trying NOT to eat the chocolate bar sitting in front of me… beating myself up for still having a problem with cravings and emotional eating. Feeling like such a fraud... “Who do you think you are teaching weight loss when you can’t even control your own eating?!?!” Then, like an angel over a loudspeaker, my long time therapist and earth angel broadcasted in. “Brittany, if you want to know what’s behind something, stop the behavior and notice what comes up.” I had heard these words before… many times… But they always scared me… Stop eating food? Stop when I want to binge? Was he crazy?! I COULDN’T stop eating food… that was the point! But this time I felt brave. And I decided to push the chocolate away. Immediately I felt panic… I asked myself how old I was... 5. I stepped into the body of my 5 year-old self, looked around, and noticed what was happening. My parents were fighting. My heart was breaking. So much heartbreak, so much pain… I started crying. I started tapping. Then my adult self came in and picked up the 5 year-old me and hugged her. I told her everything was going to be alright. I want to hear your comments below... what do you think so far?